Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
