my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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