Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
