trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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