that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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