I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
