I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
