maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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