when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
