The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
