U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
