she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
