Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
