Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
