All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
