so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
