dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
