I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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