I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
