you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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