i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What a dumb baby whore.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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