People in love make me want to vomit
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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