And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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