i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
