people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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