Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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