That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
