he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In other news, I just burned my penis
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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