Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
