my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
