I must be too annoying 4 u.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
