She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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