would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
