i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Im part way to drunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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