My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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