She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
