yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
