My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
