I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my liver is dry heaving
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
