i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
