the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
