Your tits are I can't wait for
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
