I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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