allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
