its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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