I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
