He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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