i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
