i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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