I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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