Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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