K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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