I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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