For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
