apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
