Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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