I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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