You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
