Are we in a gay sports bar?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
