i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
