The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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