there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
