I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
