Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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