Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think my moral compass just broke
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
God, I missed his penis.
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