omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
